My Unanswered Prayers!

We get married to our religion the day we born. But sometimes marriages do not guarantee lifelong partnerships. It requires commitment, belief and dedication. Those who cannot promise it, cannot expect this bond to stay forever.

Ever since I heard of Allah, all my thoughts, actions, interactions and daily life chores have been somehow captivated by the feeling of being spiritually connected to someone who is physically not present. Who is unseen. Untouchable. Yet, claims to be closer to us than our jugular vein. While growing up I observed my elders remembering Allah in various ways. Like praying and reciting to please Him. When questioned, I was told that its done to get Allah’s blessings. Some days were special where they used to stay up the whole night and pray. Maybe to please Him even more and get blessed with the things they wish for. I used to sit and observe them whispering and communicating with someone I could not see. I thought they could see Allah because they were older than me. Nonetheless, this whole process seemed interesting until I started doing it on my own. While learning the worldly things, I learned to pray as well. For me it was just a mandatory ritual to be performed five times a day. The only fascination was prayers followed by a short session where I could ask Allah the things I wished for. An ice cream, rain, good grades or probably a new dress. I don’t exactly remember.

With time the list of my wishes got longer. However, a fear always remained that what if it went unheard? Most of the times it happened. Things happened exactly contrary to what I had prayed for. I used to think that maybe because there were so many people in the world praying at the same time, my prayer got missed somehow or probably Allah was busy making others’ wishes come true and that wasn’t my time. A hope still existed which kept me going with this belief that someday it might be my turn to be heard.

I grew up in circumstances a lot different to my friends’. Events happened at an early stage of my life that made me think beyond the age of my fellows. The solution to everything, they said, was praying to Allah. Never did I know that why I was asking Allah for all these things , why I was shedding tears, why I was even talking to Allah when it has always been His will that all of that happened? But despite of all that, it provided peace to my heart so I never gave up. Gradually I realized that all those years I had been doing it wrong. I never tried to have a connection with Him. Who has always been residing in my heart. Over the years it became my habit to prioritize and re read the wish list to Him, without actually ‘praying’ for it. I realized I never had faith in it to be answered. I could never feel Him listening to me. I never tried to take that one step which could bring Him ten steps closer to me. I never started walking so that He could come running towards me. I was all ignorant but, Allah was still there right from the beginning. Watching over me. Protecting me. Listening to me. How I realized all of it? By looking back and evaluating the blessings He has been granting all these years. For every unanswered prayer of mine, Allah did something which was actually right for me. It’s just that I was too naive to realize it back then.

Now after every prayer instead of reading out the long lists of my wishes, I just try feeling Allah within me. Stay dedicated and sincere. Once I get connected, I don’t require words to ask from Someone who knows me more than my own self, who blesses me more than I deserve and who listens to me before I even speak.

Talaash!

Kabhi kabhi insaan har jagah aik chehray ko talash karta hai aur kabhi jab woh chehra samnay ajaye toh usi se dur bhagnay ki koshish karta hai. Kabhi jab insan ko kisi ki zaroorat hoti hai aur woh na nazar aye toh ajeeb si baycheni hoti hai aur kabhi jab wohi qareeb ho toh bohat se darr aur khauf ki wajah se us se dur bhagna chahta hai. Jesay k hasil kar k dobara kho denay ka darr, society ka, aas paas k logon ka darr ya phir apni dunia mein kisi aur ki interference ka darr! Faiz Ahmad Faiz bhi kya kamal likhtay hain k ‘Rahatein aur bhi hain, vasl ki rahat k siwa…’

Insan bhi kya ajeeb makhlook hai na. Khud ko jaan boojh kay bay sukoon rakhta hai aur phir khud he sukoon ki talash mein nikal parta hai. Ab sawal yeh hai k insan kyun chahta hai khud ko bay-sukoon rakhna? Kisi shayar ne kaha k ‘Zindagi gham ka darya hai’ lekin yeh darya bhi toh hamari soch se he paida hua. Jo insan present moment kay shaoor mein rehta hai, woh is bay-sukooni se dur rehta hai. Insan ko dukh kya hain? Kisi cheez kay kho janay ka dukh, maazi ka koi wakeya, daulat, jawani ya shohrat.. koi bhi cheez jo insan kay hath se chali gayi aur ab wapis nahin asakti toh woh insan ka dukh ban jati hai. Zindagi bojh mehsoos honay lag jati hai. Dar-haqeeqat toh yeh bojh hum ne khud he uthaye hain. Zindagi toh aisi nahin thi. Yeh jo hum dukhon kay, shikwon kay, mehroomiyon kay bojh uthaye phirtay hain, yeh bunyadi tor pay toh maazi se taluq rakhtay hain. Phir insan pay bojh hain andeshon kay, anjanay khauf kay jese kay agar aisa na hua toh kya hoga? Lekin jo sukoon paa letay hain woh is sab se agay nikal jatay hain, maazi aur mustaqbil ki fiqar se agay nikal jatay hain. Un kay liye har lamha aik poori zindagi hai, un kay liye har lamha yeh kainaat takhleeq bhi ho rahi hai aur fanaa bhi! Aisa shakhs har lamha sukoon mein hai, rahat mein hai, hairat mein hai.

Magar phir sukoon bhi toh unhi ko milta hai jo bay-sukoon ho chukay hon? Agar mujhay Allah ki yaad mein sukoon milta hai toh phir Allah se doori mein jo bay-sukooni hai dar asal wohi toh mujhe sukoon ki janib kheench kay lati hai. Kya faida k insan ko sari zindagi is sukoon ki talaash he na karni paray? Asal sukoon toh wohi hai jo bay-sukooni kay baad milta hai. Aur phir zindagi ka asal maqsad bhi toh talaash hai na. Talaash-e-zaat, talaash-e-haqeeqat, talaash-e-Ishq!