We get married to our religion the day we born. But sometimes marriages do not guarantee lifelong partnerships. It requires commitment, belief and dedication. Those who cannot promise it, cannot expect this bond to stay forever.
Ever since I heard of Allah, all my thoughts, actions, interactions and daily life chores have been somehow captivated by the feeling of being spiritually connected to someone who is physically not present. Who is unseen. Untouchable. Yet, claims to be closer to us than our jugular vein. While growing up I observed my elders remembering Allah in various ways. Like praying and reciting to please Him. When questioned, I was told that its done to get Allah’s blessings. Some days were special where they used to stay up the whole night and pray. Maybe to please Him even more and get blessed with the things they wish for. I used to sit and observe them whispering and communicating with someone I could not see. I thought they could see Allah because they were older than me. Nonetheless, this whole process seemed interesting until I started doing it on my own. While learning the worldly things, I learned to pray as well. For me it was just a mandatory ritual to be performed five times a day. The only fascination was prayers followed by a short session where I could ask Allah the things I wished for. An ice cream, rain, good grades or probably a new dress. I don’t exactly remember.
With time the list of my wishes got longer. However, a fear always remained that what if it went unheard? Most of the times it happened. Things happened exactly contrary to what I had prayed for. I used to think that maybe because there were so many people in the world praying at the same time, my prayer got missed somehow or probably Allah was busy making others’ wishes come true and that wasn’t my time. A hope still existed which kept me going with this belief that someday it might be my turn to be heard.
I grew up in circumstances a lot different to my friends’. Events happened at an early stage of my life that made me think beyond the age of my fellows. The solution to everything, they said, was praying to Allah. Never did I know that why I was asking Allah for all these things , why I was shedding tears, why I was even talking to Allah when it has always been His will that all of that happened? But despite of all that, it provided peace to my heart so I never gave up. Gradually I realized that all those years I had been doing it wrong. I never tried to have a connection with Him. Who has always been residing in my heart. Over the years it became my habit to prioritize and re read the wish list to Him, without actually ‘praying’ for it. I realized I never had faith in it to be answered. I could never feel Him listening to me. I never tried to take that one step which could bring Him ten steps closer to me. I never started walking so that He could come running towards me. I was all ignorant but, Allah was still there right from the beginning. Watching over me. Protecting me. Listening to me. How I realized all of it? By looking back and evaluating the blessings He has been granting all these years. For every unanswered prayer of mine, Allah did something which was actually right for me. It’s just that I was too naive to realize it back then.
Now after every prayer instead of reading out the long lists of my wishes, I just try feeling Allah within me. Stay dedicated and sincere. Once I get connected, I don’t require words to ask from Someone who knows me more than my own self, who blesses me more than I deserve and who listens to me before I even speak.