Having learned from experiences of past 27 years, I’m certain there’s nothing more troublesome than heartaches! If you’re financially weak, you can make up for it one way or the other. If you’re disabled, you can learn to use other body parts efficiently to compensate for the missing one. If you get robbed, you can build from the scratch and be in possession of the same thing again. But, there’s one thing that is extremely damning & mighty difficult to cure. You guessed that right. Heartache!
I was only 5 when I first came across this feeling! Someone very close to me, with whom I had spent a major part of my childhood, suddenly left the world. Being a child, the concept of death wasn’t much clear in my mind, because what I used to observe every day was that, whoever leaves in the morning, for sure gets back in the evening. Abbu would go to office in the morning, he was back by 5 p.m. Uncle Umar & Naeem who lived next door, would do the same. So there was no reason for me to believe why the person who died, won’t come back. Unfortunately though, the wait kept getting longer and longer & eventually I came to terms with the fact that they’re not coming back! The moment I realized that, I felt something missing in myself. That ray of hope suddenly got swapped with a mysterious pain, which never seemed like going away. That was my first heartache.
As I grew older, the frequency and intensity of heartaches started multiplying exponentially. One big reason for that was, and still is, my tendency to be extremely emotional. Whenever, there’s a dispute between my heart and mind, I go with the heart 11 times out of 10 and it proves to be my Achilles heel every time. Having said that, if someone asks me, whether I would want to change that Heart-Over-Mind thing in future or not? My answer would be a straight NO. ALLAH ne bnaya he aisa ha to phir change kyun karen khud ko? When we start interfering in ALLAH’S default system, we mess it all up. I tried doing that once & ended up landing myself in an even bigger chaos. Since that day, I decided never to pretend & just be myself, whatever the situation maybe.
Let’s now divert our attention towards the WORST heartaches! Ones that keep killing you from inside and you have no clue what to do. May ALLAH keep everyone away from the misery of such heartaches. Aameen.
Worst heartaches, imo, are those, in which you’re the only one suffering. Yeah, that’s my kinda heartaches. In my entire life, I don’t think I have ever shared a heartache. It has always been one way traffic and it sucks lol. Actually, I’ve never had the courage to express my feelings to people I love(d), but this is more of a psychological block than a natural tendency and can be worked upon. What you do is, you keep building castles in the air, expecting the person you love, to come to know that you love them, courtesy of a divine help, a miracle to be more precise. But that never happens and eventually when they leave, you get nothing but another massive heartache. My suggestion; don’t wait for miracles. Say ‘BISMILLAH’ and be a miracle YOURSELF. I’ve learned it the hard way. You shouldn’t.
Now that we’ve cursed heartaches a lot, let’s talk a little about their positives too. Positives of heartaches? That’s got to be the biggest oxymoron ever, right? No, it’s not. Heartaches do have some positives too.
When your heart is in utter dismay and you feel like getting sucked down in a horrific quagmire, that’s when you turn towards ALLAH SWT. That’s when you do wuzu and cry your heart out in front of HIM. That’s when HE welcomes you with open arms and that’s when you understand the actual meaning of the famous ayah of Surah-e-REHMAN: So which of the favors of your Lord, will you deny?
In my case, the person who benefits the most when I’m suffering from a heartache, is my Amma. Because I know one thing for sure, when Amma is happy with me, ALLAH SWT is also happy & when ALLAH is happy, heartaches are bound to fade away.
Heartaches compel you to listen to your Amma. That’s when you’re willing to help her do laundry too And she does get surprised! I mean, someone who wouldn’t bring you a glass of water, is suddenly seen doing laundry for you! Wouldn’t that turn your world upside down? It would, for sure. Ab samajh aaey heartaches k positives? 😛